Am I Gay? I guess this is a question a lot of young men will have asked themselves during their confusing adolescent years; it’s certainly one that every gay man will at some time have had to tackle and come to terms with on discovering the true answer. Of course, there are the lucky ones – the majority – those people for whom their sexuality has never been in any doubt. They are the very people who, by their heterosexual appetite and acknowledged prowess with the opposite sex, may have initiated that desperate question in other minds. But to not be one of that majority, to not have the same appetite for the opposite sex, does not immediately make anyone gay.

Times are changing slowly, perhaps too slowly, for most children still grow up in an overwhelmingly heterosexual world – a world that will by its very existence from an early age have instilled expectations and preconceived ideas in every boy’s mind – so should the time come that he reaches puberty, and his juvenile years, and he finds that those expectations are not being met as they are by his friends, he becomes concerned. He begins to suspect that he is different from the mates that he grew up with – and it troubles him. At this stage of human development, suddenly not being ranked along with one’s peers can be devastating. The questioning and gnawing fears in a boy’s mind may remain closely guarded secrets – because they have to be.

Faced with this feeling of being different, young men may react in many different ways. Only a few will cope with the situation easily. Some may become reclusive; some may turn to bully others; some to drink and drugs; and some may undoubtedly turn towards criminal behavior to gain their much-needed kudos – however, most will try to maintain an act: an appearance of being perfectly “normal”. This act, and the feeling of a need to prove themselves to their family and friends, will often only exasperate the problem. And when thoughts for the same-sex enter their minds, thoughts that they may believe to be bad or wrong, a great feeling of guilt can engulf them. It can be a very desperate time in a young man’s life. It is a time when some may even come to consider suicide – and that, purely the result of the failings, the teachings, and the expectations of a mainly ignorant heterosexual world, should never be!

Puberty, and the working of sexual equipment, arrive at different times for different people. There is nothing wrong or untoward about being a late developer. And even once everything is found to be in working order, it is quite normal for the feelings and the desires that arrive around this time to be “strange”, to say the least! The explosion of hormones the body has to try to make some sense out of can bring forth quite peculiar urges, fascinations, and attractions.

For most who have arrived at this stage, they will have had no preparation for the alternative sexual orientations that life can deal out. Studies show that around one in ten males will turn out to be gay, and around one in five males will at some time in their lives have gay sex.

We now come to the crunch question: how do I know if I am gay? I suppose the simple answer is – you just know. But you do need to wait until all those hormones have settled down a bit before asking the question. Once that has happened the sexual desires and urges will be noticeably better fed and nourished by the thoughts and fantasies of either one or the other of the two sexes. For just a few people this may be equal, or it may alternate continuously throughout their lives, and they are what we term as being: bisexual.

Gay, straight, or bisexual, it matters not – you are you, and you are unique. If you have questions concerning your sexuality, please seek the advice of a medical expert with experience tackling this difficult topic.

Until next time #GYNEGirls and #Preggos…

Dr. Drai